Sex can be one of the most exhilarating experiences of the human condition. It is not only a means to reproduce but also a physical need. It has become an essential element in the expression of connection and love. In its form as an expression of connection, its significance in a relationship is paramount. In an intimate relationship, whether casual or committed, honest and open discussions about sex are essential and critical. Necessary in fact, to avoid unmet expectations, hurt feelings, and arguments.
The unfortunate thing is that most of us are reluctant to discuss it with our partners.
Sex is an experience as well as an exercise in self-discovery. Knowing what you enjoy is important for your own experience and pleasure. There are no rules around what turns you on. If you have inhibitions, try cultivating an attitude of healthy curiosity about your body. Explore it with your partner or even on your own. Being comfortable about your own sexuality, preferences, and boundaries can enhance and heighten your experience with a partner. This pleasure, when shared with honesty, serves to strengthen your connection and relationship.
We try to answer some questions that are often asked by our members.
Q. Is it okay to have sex on my first date?
There are no rules. It is totally your call. Rather than following the popular advice of the 3 date-rule. Go with the flow. An interaction between consenting adults creates its own chemistry and pace. If you feel safe and ready, please go right ahead. Ignore any pressure or judgment on an “appropriate amount of time”. If you both feel it’s the right time, it really doesn’t matter if it’s the first date or the 10th.
Q. Should I disclose my sexual history?
It is your decision. You are entitled to your privacy. Share your history and your experiences only if you feel comfortable doing so. Do not be pressured into it. It is no one’s business but your own. If you believe that sharing your past experiences will foster intimacy or help your partner understand you better, then share away. If you fear judgment from your partner, then you know something is amiss in the relationship.
Remember judgment is an expression of their insecurity and in no way reflects on you.
Q. What if I have fears about sex?
It is normal to have fears or insecurities around sex. Speak to your close friends about them if you believe they can support you. In extreme cases of fear, it is advisable to seek help from a licensed therapist. The important thing to remember here is that such concerns are common. Try discussing this with your partner. A mature partner can help you to overcome your insecurities.
Q. How do I initiate a discussion about sex?
There is no right way to initiate a discussion about sex with your partner. But you could start with a few questions when you feel the moment is right. Consider these:
- What turns you on?
- Any absolute no-nos?
- What is your sex drive?
- What makes you uncomfortable?
- What do you enjoy the most?
It is important, to be honest, and respect each other’s feelings in these exchanges. It may require open feedback as you explore each other. Try to keep an open mind because communication is the key to happy healthy sex life. Mutual respect for sexual drives and desires is beneficial to you both. You will be surprised to see how your sex life as well as your relationship improve once you start communicating openly. Relationships can break because couples shy away from this discussion or are not being open about sex. Do not let that happen to yours.
Shalini Singh is the founder andwemet an online matchmaking service for Urban Indians seeking a meaningful relationship. Instagram I Twitter I Facebook I Linkedin
Keep it locked for more news on UrbanAsian.com