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This post was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.
Have you ever wanted to say something to someone who wasn’t there? Maybe you’ve even had entire conversations with people only in your mind. There are many reasons why we may not be able to communicate with someone. We may no longer have a relationship with them or are no longer dating the person. We may be grieving the physical loss of a person who has passed on. Or the person may be emotionally unavailable or unwilling to resolve the conflict, such as with someone who is abusive and bullying.
Almost all of us can relate to wanting to resolve some past grievance and gain closure. The empty chair technique is used, often under the guidance of a trained therapist, to help people work through their grievances and unaddressed hurts they’ve experienced with other people, situations, even themselves.
In this article, we’ll look at the ways the empty chair technique can be used to help resolve feelings that can make it possible to move on from a past hurt.
What Is The Empty Chair Method?
Used in Gestalt therapy, the empty chair technique involves a therapist guiding a person through a conversation with the imaginary version of someone sitting in a real empty chair. The person being treated speaks to the “person” in the chair as if they were a real person. In some cases, the therapist will lead a person to address aspects of themselves or their younger self as a child. The empty chair can also be inhabited by an imaginary presence, such as your “inner critic.”
A person who has engaged in empty chair therapy may come away from the experience feeling courageous after successfully confronting the person or entity, even if they’re imaginary. The person may also be able gain a sense of healing and closure after having the conversation and telling the person in the chair what they wanted them to hear.
One of the reasons why this therapy can potentially be effective is that our unconscious mind doesn’t necessarily understand that we’re speaking with an imaginary person. For our unconscious, it’s like the conversation has actually taken place with that person. In that sense, a person may be able to derive many of the same benefits from the conversation as if it had taken place in real life.
There’s research that points to people being more likely to believe imaginary things when they’re more vividly imagined. So the fact that the person is speaking to a chair and is imagining the person in the chair may be part of what helps to make this technique successful.
Possible Questions During Empty Chair Work
Chair work will typically involve a therapist guiding a person through a painful confrontation with the person in the empty seat. Whenever confronting challenging and possibly overwhelming people and feelings, it’s advisable to be under the care of a therapist or mental health professional.
A therapist is trained to know how to provide guidance. They will be looking for signs of distress, and they will lead someone to safety if they’re overwhelmed by the feelings expressed during chair work. Here are some of the kinds of questions that may come up during chair work with a therapist.
- What are you feeling as you look at the person in the empty chair?
- What do you want to tell the person in the chair?
- How do you wish the person in the chair to understand how their actions affected you?
- What is it you’re looking to get from the person in the empty chair that will help you in healing?
- How do you feel in your body as you express your emotions in words?
- Are you learning new things about yourself through your conversation with the person in the empty chair?
- What might the person in the empty seat’s response be to what you have expressed?
- How would you like to bring your conversation to a close?
In Conclusion
The empty chair technique is particularly effective for painful experiences of trauma and grief, such as dealing with divorce, the loss of a loved one, and abuse and bullying. But the intensity of emotion in directly confronting someone who may have been hurtful to you can be overwhelming, even if the person is imaginary. Please don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional if you’re experiencing intrusive or overwhelming thoughts that are interfering with your life. There are trained professionals who can guide you, if you’re willing to take the first step to seek help.
