Posted on January 22, 2019 at 4:01 pm

Crown the Brown Featured

The pressure of marriage in a South Asian community! – Raj Moodley

Facing the reality that is family pressure!

The pressure of marriage in a South Asian community! - Raj Moodley

To any young member of the Asian community approaching their mid twenties. The biggest obstacle in their path probably comes in the form of aunties.

Meddling, mostly condescending and determined, your focus on education or the professional world is irrelevant to the steely eyes of the Aunty. To her, all that matters is marriage AND your lack thereof.

Similarly, at any family gathering, you can find a tortured looking twenty-something. Probably being cross examined by an Aunty. Similarly, feverishly trying to escape without being seen. In an effort to avoid the questions regarding why they are single.

 

 

Aunty, let’s look at why it isn’t such a good idea for you to do this:

1. First of all,

The world isn’t the same as when you were young. Marriages aren’t based on the decision made by parents.

2. Most people can’t afford it.

The cost of living rises without salaries increasing. Many young people have to delay getting because it’s not as affordable.

3. Insecurities.

In the judgemental society that we live in. Due to “respected elders” almost always perpetually pointing out flaws and inciting mockery, many believe that they aren’t worthy of love.

 

4. Upbringing.

Many marriages in the Asian community are in fact toxic. Gender inequality and abuse on almost daily basis is the reason as to why many young people are hesitant to be married.

5. Opposition.

Despite living in 2019,many people similarly still have ancient mindsets and prejudice that stands in the way of happiness. The most important thing is love, and unfortunately, not everyone is able to see this.

6. Toxic masculinity.

Women are now being educated and shattering the glass ceiling. This threatens some men and as a result feeling it necessary to assert their dominance, restricting women from growing. Many women face abuse due to the fragility of the toxic male ego. Likewise, casting aside as undesirables due to their inability to be subdued and smothered into the “ideal wife”.

7. Judgement.

Above all, It is seemingly acceptable to blame a failed relationship on a women, regardless of the actions of a man. Fearing for what could almost become a reality, many women may avoid marriage on the basis of the realization that they face judgment. Similarly, blame should the event arise where they actually need help to escape a bad situation.

8. Experience.

Toxic relationships happen and can probably be emotionally scarring. Above all, the healing process is a journey, hence rushing it can prove to be more hazardous.

9. Connection.

They simply haven’t met the right person as yet. No longer is it simply the matter of a pretty face or good bank balance. People are seeking equals, matches on the intellectual, spiritual and physical levels. Settling isn’t an option, and why should it be. A life partner is an important decision, most certainly one that should not be rushed.

10. Choice.

Marriage is maybe not for everyone. All probably being raised with the notion that marriage is a necessity. This isn’t actually true. There are many people who live their lives on their own terms. Being truly happy. Certainly finding fulfillment within themselves rather than feeling bad without a spouse.

Furthermore, whatever the reason is for anyone being unmarried, show respect. Likewise, leave them alone.

Show your concern for them by speaking about the things that make them happy. Even more, if all else fails, talk about the food!

 

 

RAJ MOODLEY