Why Some Exes Seem To Keep Coming Back, And What To Do About Them

This post was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.

Why Some Exes Seem To Keep Coming Back, And What To Do About Them

How many times have you heard of couples breaking up, solemnly unfollowing each other on Instagram – only to get back together a few days later? Yet for other couples who have been married or dating, goodbye truly means the end of the relationship. 

 

Whether you’ve just broken up with someone and wish more than anything to reunite with them, or you’re feeling puzzled by that boomerang ex who just keeps coming back, it’s easy to feel unsure about what happens next. Relationships can be confusing, and the emotions surrounding an ex can be complicated. Consider checking out BetterHelp’s insightful guide to getting back together or moving on from an ex if you’re feeling unsure:   

 

www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/do-exes-come-back-or-is-it-just-wishful-thinking/

 

In this article, we’ll look at some of the reasons why exes keep coming back and how to protect your mental wellbeing when dealing with an ex. 

 

What To Do With An Ex Who Keeps Coming Back 

Some exes seem to just keep coming back, sometimes again and again. While others may seem to just disappear from your life for no apparent reason. It can be a confusing time, and it’s important to be gentle with yourself. There’s no single right or wrong way to handle the process of healing from a romantic relationship. 

 

No Contact And Other Forms Of Dealing With Exes

One common method of dealing with a breakup is to go “no contact.” In this scenario, a person decides that they want no contact with the ex. Often, the choice is a healthy one where a person decides to focus on their own healing. In other instances, the ex is a toxic person who is capable of causing disruption to their lives. Others may just feel that it’s not healthy to be interacting with the ex, and they need time away to get some perspective on the relationship. Still others are fine being friends with their exes, or friends with benefits. 

 

Fully healing from a relationship may also involve several steps. A person may start with going “no contact,” and after a process of working on themselves feel ready to begin interacting with their ex in a friendly manner. For others, the time apart may even lead to them to realize they want their relationship with an ex back.

Tips For Handling An Ex Who Comes Back

While many people believe that exes are more than likely to come back, the research shows a slightly different story. According to research, the percentage of couples who break up and then get back together again may be as high as 50%. But that also leaves a full 50% or more who don’t ever return to each other. If you’re considering taking an ex back, keep these tips in mind. 

 

Take The Person Back Slowly

Once you’ve broken up with someone, it can be important to take things slowly. In all likelihood, there was a good reason for the two of you to break up in the first place. There may have even been trust issues. Don’t just hand the keys to your apartment back to someone who is now still technically an ex. The trust may need to be rebuilt. The relationship itself may need the chance to grow and change under new circumstances. 

 

Jumping back in without examining the cause and effect in your relationship may also lead to repeating the same patterns of behavior. Take things slowly, there may not be a good for jumping back into the way things were. Work on setting up new, healthier dynamics in the relationship that will ensure you and your partner remain together for the long haul.

 

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For The Changes You Need

It’s healthy to ask for what you want. Ask for new things in the relationship that you believe will make things healthier between you and your partner. When you ask your partner for something, it actually raises your value in the relationship. It also gives you an exit plan if the relationship doesn’t work out. Your partner will know what is expected of them, and you’ll have a clear path to leave the relationship if you’re unhappy with the way things are progressing.

 

Look For Evidence That Your Partner Is Making Changes
Look for evidence that your partner is willing to make changes, and consider seeking support from a couples therapist to help reinforce the new changes in your relationship. Getting back together can make it feel like anything is possible, but real change will take time and effort. It won’t happen magically, but it can happen with the right support and guidance. 

Be Willing To Walk Away

While a familiar face can feel comforting, it’s important to remind yourself of the reasons why you parted with your ex in the first place. Are there issues that need to be resolved before you can move forward? Is there a commitment issue? Have there been past infidelities and hurts that remain unforgiven?

 

While progress is possible in any relationship, it’s important to live in accordance with your values. If the same issue or issues keep occurring, make a commitment to yourself to live your best life. Whether that includes your ex-partner is secondary and shouldn’t stand in your way of happiness. 

 

In Conclusion

No matter what the current situation is with your ex, remember that relationships are challenging. Things don’t always go the way we want. There are many reasons why someone may not want to be in a relationship at a particular time. But if a breakup has left you feeling disturbed, please don’t hesitate to speak with a mental health professional. A therapist can be helpful in guiding you through the process of ending or deciding whether to restart a relationship, and helping you get your life on track.    

Disclaimer: The post is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.