It should be no surprise that people across the globe have differences, and of course, this is reflected in their desire to have sex. If you’re searching for answers to the question “how to deal with different libidos,” you’ve come to the right place! Aside from relying on your trusty sex toys, which are always a massive asset, we’re here to help you through this difficult stage with more realistic tips on what you can – and shouldn’t do – when you and your partner have different sex drives.
Often this can become a point of contention for partners – or prospective partners – when they realize they have differing libidos. It is not easy to get through, but with enough support, guidance, and care, it is a task that can be managed and a problem that can be overcome. You just need to keep an open mind, be communicative through the process, and loop your partner in for any changes you’re experiencing. Here are a few tips that we suggest you use to get the ball rolling with your partner:
Don’t be afraid to be Vulnerable
Sex is usually about so much more than the physical act itself! There are so many factors to consider; the environment, the person – or people – and the needs that are at the foundation of the act, too.
A lot of the activity in sexual encounters is centered upon vulnerability. Think about it: sex is an activity in which you open your whole self up to your partner and expect reciprocity. You are allowing someone to enter what some might consider their home – their bodies – and to a certain extent their minds, too. Remember that this kind of intimacy and closeness is premised upon the vulnerability you allow yourself to express and experience and the room you make for your partner to do the same.
The more vulnerability you allow in the relationship and in the act of sex, the closer you will feel to your partner. This might sound daunting, but allowing yourself to let your guard down will not only go a long way in building trust and intimacy in your relationship but it will also allow you and your partner to connect on a deeper level. And this is precisely what you need when learning how to deal with different libidos, as trust is everything when it comes to approaching an ‘issue’.
Have THE talk!
The scariest part of running into issues about sexual health, desire, and libidos is the crippling fear of judgment by others. Topics like sex and sexual encounters are particularly taboo for a number of reasons and can make it very difficult to have open and honest conversations about any issues you are facing.
This is why we believe that a sex-positive community is crucial for those who are sexually active and can contribute constructively towards any discussions about sex and sexual activity.
If you and your partner can set up this sort of a community between the two of you – and then build up from there and keep adding people to it if you choose to – chances are, you will be able to come to new resolutions to your problems. Talking to your partner can help clear up any confusion, miscommunication, and misunderstandings you might have gotten enmeshed in and can be a great way to clarify where both of you are at. It can also be an exercise in building trust and openness in the relationship to foster care and honesty.
Part of enjoying sex and sexual activities is the communication aspect of things – being able to talk openly about your differences and the issues both of you face, individually and together, can create a sense of reassurance and commitment to addressing your problems. This can reinforce the love and support in the relationship and lead to a more amicable way of dealing with different libidos.
Be Kind and Gentle
As with any other kind of difference, the best way of addressing it is to be kind and gentle. Remember that this is the most vulnerable your partner can be with you – when you are addressing the incompatibility between the two of you and your libidos, both of you are being honest, open, and vulnerable by letting your guard down and letting the other partner in.
Finding out that your partner is not on the same page as you in terms of libidos and sexual interests can be difficult to process and deal with. It takes a lot of courage to open up and share your vulnerability with another human being, and nothing is more reassuring and comforting than that vulnerability being met with kindness and a gentle tone.
Treat your partner with the same kindness you’d like to be treated with, and ask your partner to do the same. One of the best things to do is to foster care and support in ways that help you cope with different libidos in a relationship and watch the connection rekindle the spark between you two as you do.
Learn how to De-Stress
One of the biggest hindrances to feeling sexual desire and increasing your sex drive can be stress and worry. Stress can suppress the hormones you need to feel aroused, and this can result in inhibiting sexual pleasure. To truly be able to enjoy sex and increase your sex drive, you need to find ways to de-stress and take that pressure away from life for a little bit. And although some self-love through masturbation with your favorite vibrating toy is a de-stressor for you, a big-time help with varying sex drives, we are talking about both of your stress levels.
Be open to new ways of connecting with your partner through de-stressing together and sharing space in intimate ways that are non-sexual. Spending quality time together, taking a day off to relax, coloring, and surrounding yourself with good energy can be really rewarding in terms of avoiding stress and maintaining a balance between your work life and personal life.
This can significantly contribute to a more increased sex drive and can help you keep pace with your partner’s libido, too. De-stressing and creating an environment that fosters peace and care can be really important to build a better sex drive that can allow you to match your partner’s libido and connect with each other in multiple ways that are non-sexual.
Work out a Schedule
We can’t stress this enough – being on the same page with your partner is very crucial to matching libidos with them and staying on the same schedule about sex with them. Schedules can help you both stay on top of things and keep the other person’s availability in mid, along with allowing you to set aside time each week – or any iteration of a schedule that works for you – that is solely dedicated towards bettering your sex lives and compatibility.
Obviously, keep in mind that schedules are usually flexible, and particularly a schedule about matching libidos should be approached with extra care. Check-in with your partner regularly, and be sure to ask them if they’re in the mood before assuming that a scheduled slot in the calendar equals guaranteed sex. That isn’t how it’s going to work – the point of the exercise is to allow changes and growth and compatibility in whatever ways suit you and your partner.
Ask a Professional to Step In
This is more of a last resort, but should nothing else work out for you and your partner, know that there are always professionals like counselors, therapists, and coaches who will be able to mediate between you and your partner and will allow you to live your best sex lives together while caring for each other deeply.