Posted on June 10, 2015 at 4:39 pm

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OMG! Holly Madison considered killing herself inside the Playboy mansion?

Former Playboy bunny and Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriend, Holly Madison has written a tell-all booking highlighting her experience inside the Playboy mansion as well as being Hefner’s number one girlfriend. The reality TV star reveals in her new book, Down The Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny that she considered suicide while living inside the mansion according to People Magazine.

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Holly said that her misery and depression became so consuming that she actually thought about drowning herself while taking a bath back in 2002.

“If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over.”

Holly reveals that she felt trapped inside the mansion.

“But I grew to feel it was meant to lock me in.”

The reality show and pictures depicted a lot of fun and partying, but apparently reality was quite different for Holly. She says that the girls lived cutthroat lives as Hefner allegedly pinned them against one another for the drama quotient. That apparently resulted in the girls becoming insecure of themselves and their appearances. Holly got a nose job to “fix” her appearance.

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Holly holds no bars as she reveals that the depths of her depression, comparing it to a dark path with no light at the end of the tunnel. She claims that when she contemplated suicide, she felt no one would even miss her.

“Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading,” she explains. “I just couldn’t take my misery anymore. Of course my family would be devastated, but I rarely saw them enough for my absence to make a difference.”

She also felt that Hefner wouldn’t even realize whether or not she was there.

“Would he even miss me? No, I was certain I was just another warm body—as we all were. ‘Just another blonde,’ I could hear him say.”

Since leaving the house, Holly is in a much better and happier place. The gorgeous blonde went on to get married and have a baby. She writes,

“Thankfully the only thing greater than my need to escape was my desire to share my experience. If I sunk my head below the water and went to sleep, no one would ever know the truth.”

Holly’s book is set to hit the shelves on June 23. Will you be picking up a copy? Sound off in the comment section below.