Posted on October 28, 2015 at 12:01 am

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#13DaysofCreepyCreepers Day 9: Are you a virgin?

Since my mom’s desperation to get me married is like a disease spreading to those around me, today’s #13DaysofCreepyCreeper is about the time my mom forced me to try online dating.

day 9

My mom has been dying to get me married any way that she can. She’s always setting me up with people and then pressuring me while I get to know them. She tells me what to say, what to ask, when I should call, text or skpye the guy. Let me inform you my mom was engaged at 15, married at 16 and gave birth to me at 18.

Forget being highly out-dated, getting dating advice from her is like getting parenting advice from someone who doesn’t have kids.

WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW?

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For the past few years she has been on my case about finding a boyfriend and getting married. It’s not that I don’t date, I just haven’t dated anyone or encountered anyone in life that I felt I could spend the rest of my life with. Her nagging frustrated me to no end but at least I had my dad on my side. Even at 26 I’m daddy’s little girl. I could always count on him to support me in my endeavors while mom worried about “Log kya kahenge.”

However, slowly I saw my mom’s marriage craze infiltrate my dad’s mind and he turned on me! Now I was trapped with no way out!

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Since my mother heard a few success stories of online dating she has been pushing me to try it out. Now I won’t say which sites I’ve tried but there were a few free websites/apps I decided to check out. I didn’t tell her of course, she would have driven me crazy bugging me every hour on the hour with questions.

“Who are you paired with? What does he do? Is he Sunni or Shia? Is he Bengali? Indian? Arab? Does he have a BA or a MA? Is he a doctor? Where does he live? What does his dad do? Where did his mom go to school? What was the name of his pet? Did he have an invisible best friend as a kid? What time does he get home from work? What time of day does he go to the bathroom?”

I’m definitely not down to deal with the ball of anxiety that is my mother. I figured if something did work out I’d inform her afterwords. I picked some cute pictures that reflected my personality well and added a fun profile. At first it was all fun and games, some cute guys, fun banter.

After the first few days of meeting some interesting people, that’s when things start to turn creepy. Soon messages started to change in tone, boys would become more brave in their questions. Things got very awkward.

“What’s your bra size?”

“Send me a nude…can I send you a nude?”

“Are you a virgin?”

“What’s you’re favorite sexual position?”

“Do you like oral? Do you spit or swallow”

“Does size matter to you?”

“Can you handle a big guy?”

Well then… that escalated quick.

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It’s like the “other” folder on Facebook all over again! They ease you into a false sense of understanding and kindness before they hit you with their Penis. Not every girl that smiles and flirts back is looking for you to go full on creeper mode. Some guys don’t even slowly reel you in, they just show up oozing their creeper juices all over your living room floor.

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I have always been against online dating, I always thought I’d meet someone more organically. There is something special to be said of catching the eye of someone from across the room and the spark of him walking over to talk to you. I just thought it would be all creeps and weirdo’s but there were some cool people. I was surprised to find quite a few normal people among the creepers. A lot of well educated, good looking guys are online dating mainly because they’re working too hard to meet people. So although online dating can get awkward, don’t knock it till you try it ladies! There are some genuinely sweet guys online too!

That’s the end of day 9! Don’t forget to send in your own creepers stories to Nila@UrbanAsian.com.