Tips for Ladies Looking to Lose Weight
Jalibee Bhai to Jalibee Bai (Butterball Baker to Gorgeous Girl)
It’s a fine white powder, highly addictive, in its purest most concentrated form, it can be sold by the brick and is highly toxic to our bodies. It’s found on the street and trace amounts of it can be found in almost everything you could possibly imagine. Yes, ladies, I’m talking about sugar. Sugar is a highly addictive substance that plagues not only our health but our gorgeousness!
Wait for what!? Jalibees can make me ugly?!
Yes, Jalibees can make us ugly. I highly doubt Mallika makes, let alone eats the Jalibees she so sexily sings about in “Double Dhamal’s Jalabai Bai” (is that why she makes them upside-down in the video?!). Jalibees, along with anything else containing copious amounts of sugar, can make our hair, skin, nails, eyes and most obviously, our figures a lot less attractive.
I already know Jalibees make me fat, there’s more?!
Women are supposed to have curves. We aren’t all supposed to look like Anushka Sharma. Think curves as in Vidya Balan or Rani Mukherjee, they are both visions of internationally-renowned Indian Kama Sutra curves. The curves that they don’t have however are love handles, muffin tops and such. Turns out scientists are finding that the foods we eat decide what types of curves we have. That’s right, olive oil, nuts and avocadoes have healthy fats that promote a healthy and beautiful Jalibee-Bai-esque waist to hip ratio. On the other hand, the excess calories we obtain from Jalibees end up depositing fat mainly in the abdominal region, leading to a less desirable, ugly waist-to-hip ratio and a belly like Jalibee Bhai, NOT Jalibee Bai!
Jalibees can make me look old?!
Yes, they can! The excess sugar in them can lead to premature wrinkling, loss of radiance along with hair loss. The way sugar interacts with skin and muscle fibers can leave you looking saggy and aged. Saggy is not pretty.
When you eat a delicious, neon orange jalibee, the process of glycation starts. Glycation is when the glucose from the jalibees start to form an ugly coating around protein molecules. Some of these proteins are the very ones that make our skin look young and tight. These proteins are called collagen and elastin, they are like tiny little bright springs in our skin that make it bouncy, tight, supple and radiant. However, once the collagen and elastin become coated by sugar via excess jalibee consumption, the shape of elastin and collagen change, therefore making us look dull, saggy and wrinkled. Again, I don’t think Mallika has even seen a jalibee, let alone eaten one!
Remember glycation? It can also damage the blood vessels that feed our hair follicles to grow beautiful strong hair. Hair follicles that lack proper blood flow, therefore lack nutrients, subsequently become weaker. Weak follicles grow damaged and thinner hair to grow. I bet Rekha has rocking blood flow to her hair follicles! Isn’t she like almost 60?!
It’s OK! I make my Jalibees using sweet and low!
Slow down Jalibee Bhai! First, a story: Once upon a time scientists were researching how to kill bugs and were trying to discover a stronger pesticide, instead, they discovered aspartame. Yes, aspartame, aka Sweet’N Low, aka diet-(any beverage). If that little fairy-tale didn’t scare you like Urmila Matondkar in “Bhoot”, maybe this will: aspartame causes a whole host of ugly side effects such as acne, bloating, hair loss, migraines, hormone balance among countless others.
HOW DO I EAT LESS SUGAR?
Do Radhika’s 27-Day Challenge! It promises to help you go from Jalibee Bhai- to Jalibee Bai. The challenge is to read all the ingredients before something goes into your mouth. If there’s the S-word (sugar), don’t let it get close to your face. It’s really that simple!
Also, no F- word (fructose)! High fructose corn syrup is like Kangana shooting crack up her veins in the movie “Fashion”, except you’re using sugar of course. The sugar will start glycation before you can say Aiyaaa! So avoid corn syrup exactly how Aishwarya avoids Salman, Oberoi and possibly even Abishek at times, and you’ll be golden.
Thanks, Radhika! I will do exactly what you said. I will start by having a samosa for lunch.
Not so fast! I know everyone has a preference towards white things, such as Kareena’s bleached-beyond-death face, Fair-and Lovely creams and the deliciously greasy white crust of a samosa, but it’s important to know that the last of this list contains sugar. Do samosas have sugar? Yes, and I am so sorry to be the bearer of this borderline horrific news, but it’s so very true! Samoas, along with any other food that contains processed grains and white rice function as plain sugar once we put it in our mouths. So this list includes cereals, crackers, even the salty crackers, bleached and enriched wheat products, samosas, idlis, and virtually 90% of bread. How do I truly avoid all sugars? Easy. I do what John Abraham did; go for dark, dark-un-processed and un-bleached grains that is. Anything “whole grain” is fair game and will bring you closer to being able to rock miniskirts like Bipasha.
27 Days?! That’s longer than the time SRK left Rai in Devdas!
Skin regenerates after 27 days. So to literally get a radiant, fresh, beautiful, and un-glycated collagen filled skin, you need to suck it up for 27 days. The first few days will be harder than Devdas trying to forget Paro, but then you will meet Madhuri in the mirror. Madhuri is you with softer, more radiant skin, brighter eyes that aren’t puffy with a much smaller waist. Sauti (really)? Yes! So take this as a challenge, do your best not to slip, Ishhhh (oops)!
I am a guy, you’re not helping me!
I know some guys are reading this, so let me interest you by talking about one of your absolute most favorite, probably equally as elusive subjects, SEX. Yup, I said it, the other s-word! How are these two s-words related? Well, one can significantly lower the chances of the other happening. Sugar can cause testosterone levels to decline. What most people don’t know is that females have small levels of testosterone that function to keep up a healthy sex-drive. It plays the same role, among many others, in men. So with sugar decreasing the levels of testosterone, you can expect decreased levels of sex happening. Simple stuff, did I mention Bipasha’s biggest diet tip is not eating sugar! Who in their right mind would break-up with that woman is purely beyond me! So men, you will most definitely benefit from Radhika’s 27-Day Challenge! So read up!
I am starting to hate you Radhika! This is crazy! Could I at least have a mango Frooti?
I’ll make a deal, since fruit juices are essentially flavored sugar water, I will introduce you to something better. Whole worlds of luscious fruit exist. Did you know one of the most internationally famous chefs once describes fruit as “sexy”? And I’m positive you’ve heard the saying “You are what you eat!” These deliciously sweet and apparently sexy foods have amazing phytonutrients, minerals, vitamins and fiber to keep you full and beautiful! So take out that Vitamix and blend away. Which each fruit being so absolutely amazing on its own, it’s near impossible to mess up a smoothie! (Although that what we thought of the movie “Sholay” until Ram Gopal Varma’s remake happened). If you want something a little more protein packed, add soy milk. A whole world of lush deliciousness and beauty awaits you my beautiful Bais (ladies)! I promise you will notice an improvement in your skin and mood. This is an amazing challenge so take it. I believe in you!
For questions, encouragement, and jalibee withdrawal support feel free to Facebook me at firstname.lastname@example.org .
Medical student and Bollywood Dancer in Tampa Bay