What do you do when you’ve had your heart torn not once, not twice, but several times? Most people would turn away from love and never look back. Recently, I received an e-mail from a member of our Urban Asian team, Raj, also known as The Urban Nerd, where he openly said despite having had his heart broken so many times, he has not lost hope that he will some day, meet his ideal woman. He openly talked about his experiences with women from his past and present. (Don’t worry ladies of Raj’s past – he didn’t disclose any names.)
What Raj did, what first caught my eye, was admit to mistakes he had made of either showing someone too much interest, or not enough interest, ignoring flags which may have been there which like so many of us tend to ignore. Eventually, things have come to a point where he has started putting up “walls” in attempts to not have his heart broken again. The common theme I noticed within all of his experiences with these women started making me think. The reason why so many men have a hard time meeting their ideal woman is because their heart has been broken in the past. The difference, however, is similar to Raj, a lot of men have started to continue having faith in hopes that their “Lady Love” is still out there somewhere. Ladies, this goes out to you as well. While I understand you may have had your heart broken, please, please, PLEASE continue having faith!
From my experiences of dating, this my observation: When you are young and in school, you tend to behave in such a way which is acceptable to your peers and not to what you want. Why? It’s simple! you want to “fit” in and “look cool”! Girls (and guys do this as well), dress a certain way, or hang out with certain groups of people to get the opposite sex to notice them. In the process, you often end up hurting those who actually like you and want to get to know you. As you get older and start to go to college, you either try to join groups, fraternities or sororities so you can get into the “coolest parties on campus” or just ignore everyone so you can achieve that goal of graduating at the top of your class so you can get that job you have always wanted to. Again, it’s about pleasing others and not finding a balance. (Balance tends to become a theme in our society which a lot of people tend to forget about.)
Raj actually brought to my attention something which I have started hearing these days. They have all been taken advantage of. (Ladies, again, I will repeat myself. Just because some jerk broke your heart, stop taking it out on the nice guys! Believe me, you will be sorry you did!!!) I know in a city such as New York, for example, it is a battle of survival. You either learn how to survive, or be eaten. However, I will repeat myself over and over again. Ladies, you can find a balance in having your social life, your hectic job schedule, and having a relationship. It can work! Find a balance!!! As a woman, we are genetically programmed to be able to multi-task. So if are going to make up the excuse that you have no time for a relationship, please stop toying around with the few good men left in the world. If you can not find a nice guy, it is because of the games you play with them.
What really grabbed my attention in Raj’s e-mail, was that despite the heart-breaks he has faced, and despite the walls, he has hope which keeps him going. It is this hope that helps him strive to meet his ideal woman. Despite how rough his experiences have been, he always seems to stay optimistic that the right woman is out there somewhere. I STRONGLY recommend people to stop looking at your age right now and therefore think you need to settle. Continue having faith, because the right person IS out there! If there is one quality which attracted you to that person in the first place, focus on that, and take the time to get to know them. If you are not seriously looking for a relationship or marriage, be honest with the other person. Be honest with yourself and the other person. Despite the result, they will appreciate your honesty.
When I think of all the women who complain about having a hard time meeting quality men, I have to often think, the same goes for guys like Raj who are quality men. They have the total package! They are good-looking and smart, and what-more, they are well-rounded individuals who have qualities that women look for. Someone who knows how to be social, and yet from time to time, spend a nice night at home just the two of them. What has struck me the most about Raj, in this case, is how strong his faith is that he WILL meet his lady love! He is an exceptional example of the faith one should have that your ideal person IS out there.
Meeting an ideal match is similar to learning how to ride a bicycle. No matter how many times you fall off and scrape your knees, you have to get up and do it again till you can do it on your own. We start off with “training wheels” where our parents and families offer us words of wisdom and advice to help us make the right decisions along the way. As we get older, and start dating, we slowly take the training wheels off, going away to school or moving away from home for that job that you so eagerly were waiting to start. We take their advice and words of wisdom into consideration as we slowly start to live our own lives. There are times when we fall off that “bike” and get hurt. However, no matter what, we get back up and move forward. Similarly, we need to learn no matter what happens in life, what heart-aches and breaks we face, we must learn never to lost hope.