Not So “arranged” Arranged Marriages

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Advice Lifestyle Love

Lately, it seems a common theme in South Asian blogs revolves around the topic of Arranged Marriage. More-so, it seems as if a lot of young people of our generation are against such a courtship which has occurred for many generations primarily in our culture. Traditionally, marriages were arranged either by the parents or relatives of the bride and groom. Qualities such as caste/culture, religion, education/vocation, wealth, reputation of the family and horoscope were highly looked upon prior to arranging a “meeting” between the bride and groom. Only upon the first meeting would it be decided if the families would proceed with the proposal or not. In times of our grandparents/parents, children dared not go against their parents’s wishes and followed through with the marriage proposal. Well, I guess our ancestors must have done something right if statistics show long lasting marriages.

So why are so many people against arranged marriage? It seems as if just the term “arranged marriage” make them think they will be forced to marry someone who they do not chose. However, what a lot of people fail to realize is that the concept of “arranged marriage” has come a long way from that of our parent’s time. In various ways we use modern technology such as matchmaking sites to “help” us meet that special someone. So, how is it any different from that of what our parents do? One key thing to keep in mind is whether we agree to it or not, our parents always have our best interest if they choose to introduce us to someone.

So, how DO we keep the peace in the family between our parents idea of arranging our marriage and who we choose to marry? Well, first and foremost what we should do is decide for ourselves what it is what we want. If I’m not mistaken I am sure everyone ultimately wants to be happy with whoever they end up with. So, what one should do is sit down with their parents and create a list of qualities what we both are looking for in our significant other. (I’m sure at least 85% of your list will match with your parents.) If most qualities match with that of what your parents would like you to look for, great! You have nothing to worry about.  However, if it seems as if you are unable to agree on some things, discuss with your parents where you can meet half-way. Try explaining your perspective and openly listen to them. They don’t say parents are experienced for nothing. As you sit and have an open discussion, you may find your opinion will change.

Lets face it! Times have changed and so has the way the world works. What we need to do is to not let preconceived notions of what we have heard about “arranged marriages” effect the relationships we have with our parents and loved ones. Let’s use modern technology together by allowing it to help carry on tradition.

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